Lighter and lighter, it feels like I'm floating away
But I know this isn't a dream
From the red pinch marks on my arm
and the way the rain makes them tingle
I really did manage to sever those ties
With my determination which is like a razor blade in the night, a shining sword in the sun



It's amazing how these hands of yours hold me down stronger than before
It's as if you're afraid I might float into the sky
I am Icarus and you are my flying too high
You are my wings which are not made of wax
I am just a fool who can only see the dreams behind his eyelids
in the glow of a nightlight



I built a dam by my heart because the feelings were overflowing
Like the coffee in my cup when I put too much milk
I tried erasing that bitter flavor
and pretended it wasn't there with an arrogant sway of my hips
I didn't see the honey on the table because I tried to build a dam for my tears, too
Or simply, it hadn't been there before
You must have left it there while my eyes were glassy



I'm locking up my love for the next few years
so that I can realize the dreams that have always been true
In no means am I asking you to wait for me
If you walk ahead, I will not follow you
But I will always be hoping that we might meet at some crossroads
after a long distance, in which we have begun to miss each other



We would greet one another like gentle lovers with a passion in our strange hearts
then proceed to hold hands and trample over beaver dams and afterward
we'd share a cup of coffee
Our hands wouldn't have stopped holding
and together we could yell the feelings that are overflowing


( by alison abraham )

I think that this is all a conspiracy, and the whole lot of you are in on it. That's why she approves now, even when she didn't approve then.

I'm totally rambling (because Erika gave me a disease) but this is what I think, and I don't think I can feel the same ever again.

Well, that's okay, that's completely fine to me, because there shouldn't be anything in my way. So there won't. Nothing's going to bring me down, no no no, not me. Not even you.

I'll tear down those walls and walk around all of you in my way, and you see -- don't you see? -- there isn't anything blocking those lovely, sunshiny days anymore.

I'm letting go, and it's something like a pair of scissors -- or a shining sword -- this determination is. It'll cut through all the ropes holding me down.

Watch out, because my smile is brighter now and I'm better than ever before. You see, watch out because there will be no remorse.

( by alison abraham )

I am so psyched for 2009. Ryan said hi to me. Christian favorited/commented/rated one of Colleen's video (with me in it, spazzing about Ryan saying hi to me XDD ). This Saturday, I'm starting hula+uke with Colleen, my sister, and some other people.

I'm about to turn 16, so we've already started with plans for that.

And Colleen and I are getting closer to "JUHBUH" and making friends in the process.

Life is gooooooodd.

I think. I'm finally over her. I mean, completely. I look over old conversations, and even though there is no lack in "I love you"'s, I feel like. She just wasn't there for me. I know she has other things that come first, but shouldn't I have been up there, too ?

I feel sad. But I feel happy at the same time. Like, I can't even begin to describe. Life-changing, maybe ?

When I talked to Mara about it, she said I deserved better. I couldn't keep giving and giving and giving without receiving something. Right now, I've just realized how mutual a relationship needs to be to function correctly. I mean, I've always known that a relationship needs to be mutual, but I feel like I'm just starting to understand. And even though it seems like a small thing, I feel like she's given me a lot, too.

I wish we could've talked more. I wish we could've shared our worries. I wish she had been there for me more.

But even so, I do no regret falling in love with her. She was the most important person to me for a year, and I'm so happy to call her my first love. But I'm even happier that I can still call her my friend.

It feels like I'm starting a new chapter of my life. And, what better way to start a new semester than with a bright new beginning ?

All I need to do now is pass midterms~

I wish I used this more. Maybe I will :/ But, I don't know for what, when I already post at eljay....